A Boy and His Stove: Chapter 2

When StoveMan touched down inside the TV network, his vision was a disorienting mess of rainbow lights and blurs dancing around in odd patterns. 'Aiyiyi, I friggin' hate jacking in.' he grumbled internally. He shut his eyes for a few seconds and let the nausea and dizziness pass before taking a good look at his surroundings. The TV network wasn't anything special: just a generic network setting with yellow and green floor tiles while the skylike background was a light orange color.

"Alright StoveMan: do you see any Viruses hanging around?" Lan's disembodied voice rang out as a projection of Lan's face popped out from StoveMan's hand.

"Considering they're right in front'a me, yeah, I kinda see them ya frickin' idiot." StoveMan huffed. The resulting glare made it clear that Lan had been offended by his cutting remark. But in his defense, it was a stupid question to ask: right in front of him were a pack of Mettaur viruses that were gleefully swinging their pickaxes around like little ruffians while a select few were hacking apart floor tiles. While he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it, StoveMan couldn't help but find their tiny bodies and big, staring eyes almost adorable.

"Aw sheesh, this place is crawling with Viruses! Guess that's what I get for slacking on the job for three days straight, huh..." Lan chuckled nervously while rubbing the back of his head in a sheepish manner.

"Moron." StoveMan snickered.

"Oh, shut up!" Lan hollered before taking a deep breath. "Anyway", he continued, "Every network is operated by Mr. Progs. Do you see our TV's Progs laying around anywhere?" StoveMan squinted as he surveyed the Network. He saw no sign of any, until he noticed one Mettaur gleefully hopping up and down on top of two twitchy bodies.

"Huh... small, green... yup! I see the Mr. Progs, all right! Looks like one'a these punks is using them as a trampoline or somethin'!"

"Good! Now, it looks like you're dealing with a pretty big group! I don't want ya to get overwhelmed, so I'm sending chip d-"

"Overwhelmed? OVERWHELMED?! WHAT KINDA WIMP DO YA TAKE ME FOR?!" StoveMan bellowed at the top of his lungs, "Kid, chips are for chumps! I'll show ya how a REAL Navi busts Viruses!" Before Lan could whine, StoveMan dismissed the projection with a handwave and twisted the large dial on his face. When he did, a powerful blue flame began to burn atop his head, and as a result he could practically feel adrenaline pulse through his coding. Unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of battle, StoveMan sniggered while he wagged a taunting finger at the Mettaurs.


"Hey, CHUMPS! Yeah, I'm TALKING ta YOU!" StoveMan hollered, which got the attention of all the Mettaurs. They all stopped what they were doing, and while the Met who jumped on the wounded Mr. Progs stopped attacking them, they sneakily crawled off to the sidelines and got out of danger. "Good, looks like I got you guys' attention! Now sit tight, and don't pee yourselves when ya realize that ya screwed around with the wrong Navi!" StoveMan then stuck his arms out and held them in front of his face. He followed up by jumping into the air and diving forward. While he began to fall, he proceeded to spin around in circles at a blindingly fast pace while the flames on his head overflowed and engulfed his body. "SUCK ON THIS, PUNKS! GAHAHAHAHA!" StoveMan cackled, then completely blew Lan's mind as he suddenly shot forward like an enormous firey missile. He plowed through a huge chunk of the Mettaurs and sent them flying while blue flames began to eat away at their bodies. He slammed into a wall and flipped onto his feet and took a bow while the injured Mettaurs succumbed to their injuries and exploded in a shower of data.

"HOLY CRAP!" Lan hollered, his eyes having bulged out of his skull while his jaw hit the floor. He was absolutely dumbstruck by the impressive feat the seemingly average Navi pulled off in front of him. "StoveMan, that was awesome!"

"So what, ya still think I'm some kinda wimp?" StoveMan taunted while Lan shook his head.

"No way, man!"

"Well buckle up, kiddo, 'cause I ain't close ta being done yet." StoveMan chuckled darkly as he watched a couple of Mettaurs ready their Pickaxes. With a series of high-pitched war cries, the Mettaurs charged at him with the two front-most ones leaping and crashing down in a jump attack. StoveMan simply flipped out of the way and sidestepped the resulting shockwaves that the Mets' pickaxes created. Before the Viruses could ready another attack, StoveMan reached his hands to his head-flame and enveloped them in blue fire. He ran up and delivered a powerful left hook to one Met that sent it flying, and it was joined by its companion when StoveMan nailed it with an uppercut from his right hand. Angered by the attack on their brethren, the rest of the small group formed a line in front of their wounded allies and crashed their pickaxes on the ground, causing an enormous shockwave formed by several smaller ones to pursue StoveMan.

"Dude, be careful!" Lan warned, only to be shut down yet again by his Navi.

"I KNOW! Kid, I'll tell ya 'till the cows come home: I ain't stupid!" StoveMan then did something that surprised Lan: he leaped forward and landed square on his head. He jammed his eyes shut and focused while the fire on his head roared louder and louder... until he was propelled upward by a fiery explosion that carried him over the giant shockwave and the attacking Mettaurs. StoveMan landed squarely on his feet and smirked when the Mettaurs swung around in surprise. "Hey chumps!" StoveMan taunted, "Ya wanna take me down? Then how's about fighting me for real, huh?!" The Mettaurs he wounded earlier repeated their tactics earlier: they ran forward and leaped at him pickaxe first. Predictably, it went as well as one would expect: StoveMan dodged their blows and retaliated once more: he nailed the first Mettaur with a series of jabs before deleting it with a powerful kick. The second one tried to hack at him with its pickaxe at point-blank range, but StoveMan caught on just in time and nailed the Virus with a horizontal sweeping kick. The Virus cried out as it tumbled away, and was promptly deleted with a running punch.

"Alright," StoveMan yawned while the remaining Mettaurs congregated in a little angry mob, "I thought this would be a fun fight, but you're all boring me ta tears! I'm gonna end this nice and quick, so hang tight, chumps!" The Mettaurs all screamed in unison, and decided to just charge him in hopes of overwhelming him through sheer numbers. StoveMan merely chuckled as he leaned over until he was directly facing the ground and the top of his head was pointing straight ahead. He took a deep breath, and focused as the heat in him slowly began to intensify.

"Uh, StoveMan?!" Lan called out, nervous due to the fact that the Mettaurs were almost upon him, "Whatever you're trying to do, you should get it done with soon-"

"ALRIGHT PUNKS, EAT THIS!" StoveMan roared as a huge row of blue fire exploded out from his head and shot forward at a rapid pace. Three Mets were quick enough to jump out of the way, but the majority were caught in the blast and were roasted into cinders. After a few seconds, the flame dissipated and StoveMan stood tall once more. Yet again, Lan was struck speechless at this display of raw power.

"StoveMan! That was-"

"Awesome, I know. I know." StoveMan boasted before narrowing his eyes. He had just noticed the surviving stragglers, and wasn't amused by their decision to head for the hills. "HEY?! Where do ya think you're goin'?!" StoveMan hollered as he set his hands ablaze once more. He focused his energy, and soon the flames burned even more intensely than before. He then clutched his hands, and was soon tossing a steady stream of fireballs that bounced across the ground as they pursued their targets. Thankfully, the fleeing Viruses decided to gather in a closely-knitted group, so all the fireballs hit their targets and it wasn't long before they were disposed of. With the Virus threat taken care of, StoveMan twisted his face-dial, and the flame on his head dissipated.


"WHOO! Viruses busted!" StoveMan cheered with a fist pump, "Man, those chumps didn't even stand a chance!" Lan was about to congratulate StoveMan for a job well done, but both Navi and operator had their attention grabbed by the wounded Mr. Progs, who were now standing up and jumping for joy with their injuries seemingly healed.

"WOW, MAGNIFICENT JOB!" One Mr. Prog cheered, his electronic voice filled with glee.

"THANK YOU MISTER, THANK YOU!" The other one replied before running up to StoveMan, whose eyes narrowed in anger.

"Hey, HEY! You're invading my personal space, pipsqueak! SCRAM!" The Mr. Prog jumped back in horror while Lan stared wide-mouthed at his Navi's rudeness.

"What the heck, StoveMan?!" Lan asked angrily, to which StoveMan shrugged.

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb with me, why are you acting so rude to that poor Mr. Prog? You made him cry, ya know!" And Lan wasn't lying, streams of tears ran down the poor program's face, and his usual smiling mouth was a rather large frown.

"What, him? Eh, dude's bein' a crybaby. Just 'cause I helped him out, it don't mean he's entiitled ta free hugs and kisses." StoveMan huffed dryly.

"Yeah, well-" Lan sighed and face-palmed, knowing full and well that arguing with StoveMan was useless."Never mind. Hey there, uh... to the Mr. Prog on the right!" the saddened Mr. Prog looked at the projection of Lan's face, "Hey look, my buddy down there isn't the most personable guy in the world, so don't take his behavior personally, okay?"

"WELL..." the Mr. Prog gave a few electronic sniffles before continuing, "OKAY, MISTER HIKARI." But despite his answer, Lan could still tell the poor guy was eaten up by StoveMan's behavior.

"Hey, before I go Mr. Prog, can I ask you something?" Lan asked, to which the Mr. Prog nodded.

"SURE, ASK AWAY."

Look, I was gonna catch today's episode of "Dick Gumshoe P.I.", but I think I'll have to put it off right now. If this TV had that bad of a Virus infestation, I can't even imagine how the rest of this house's devices are! So while StoveMan and I go off and do some more Virus busting, would you be okay with recording today's episode? I'd be really grateful if you did!"

"YES, I MOST CERTAINLY WOULD!" the Mr. Prog cheered, glad that it could make itself useful.

"Thanks, buddy! Now remember, it comes on at 2:00 PM on channel 31. Got it memorized?"

"CHANNEL 31, 2:00 PM. YES SIR, I HAVE IT JOTTED DOWN IN MY MEMORY BANKS!"

"Alright, good to hear!" Lan chuckled, glad that he could raise the little guy's spirits. "Alright then StoveMan, looks like our work's done in here! However, I've gotta-"

"Check all the other connections in the house for Viruses. Kid, I heard ya the first time. Ya think I'm deaf or something?" StoveMan interrupted with a disdainful tone.

"Well, no." Lan sighed, "I just wanted to let you know our game plan."

"Well normally I WOULD be pretty ticked off at ya just volunteerin' me for this outta the blue... but considering that busting Viruses is a lotta fun, I ain't too mad." StoveMan then popped his knuckles and stretched his legs a bit, "Now come on, jack me out! I wanna kick some more butt already!"

"Well alright then. StoveMan, jack out!" And with the press of a button, StoveMan was safe and sound back in Lan's PET. 'Well, glad that's taken care of.' Lan thought to himself as he approached the kitchen and stood in front of the refrigerator, the first item he felt like running a virus scan on. 'But it's nice to know that StoveMan's a monster in combat. Still, if I want to do any detective work on the Undernet, he's gonna have to do better than smack around Viruses. I might have to talk with Dex and see how well StoveMan can do against other Navis...' But that would have to wait until later. For now, Lan had a far more important task at hand: making up for three days worth of missed virus checks. And boy, would it take a while...